You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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