forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
