You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
