I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
