big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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