I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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