I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I cut my penus on the lid.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
