there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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