when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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