Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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