I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
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I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
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They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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