In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
