I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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