mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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