and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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