my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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