So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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