He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
this beer tastes like vomit already
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
