I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
