He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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