I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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