Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
