I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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