id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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