I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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