My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
