Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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