forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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