Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
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I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
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Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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