we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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