forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
