Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
