he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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