I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
