I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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