i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
