I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
a search helicopter?!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
