I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
