life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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