So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
