One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
