next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
this is an emotional support booty call
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
