I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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