Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize