Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
