I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm like, not good at living.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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