there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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