I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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