you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
