Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
