This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
