I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
