I have demons in me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
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