NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
