So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Quick, to the slutcave!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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