I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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