And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
