my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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