Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
