Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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