Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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