i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Everything about him screamed your future.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
