She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
