I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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