I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
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So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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