I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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