"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
