Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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