Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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