The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
