be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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