I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize