My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
