Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
