just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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