well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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