please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm like, not good at living.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
